I can vividly remember the first time I was self-conscious about my body. I was in third or fourth grade and my parents had dropped us off for a swim night at the racquetball club down the street. It was one of those events where the kids played games, went for a refreshing night swim, and then filled our bellies with pizza and popcorn while watching a movie.
I was changing out of my bathing suit in a stall inside the locker room when another girl barged in on me. She looked at my body, up at my face, and yelled out, “SHE HAS BOOBIES!” I was beyond mortified.
You see, I was really overweight throughout my childhood and adolescence. Not only did I have extra chub, but I developed faster than a lot of the skinny girls my age. I had boobs long before most of my classmates did and I suppose this might have been the first time this girl had seen them on a kid her age.
This was the first time I felt shame about my body through the mouth of another person. Someone else’s words affected the way I felt about myself.
Fast forward to my freshman year of high school. Still chubby, overweight, and self-conscious. I was a freshman volleyball player on the varsity team, playing amongst upperclassmen whom I idolized and looked up to. High school girls are so funny. Do you know what they called each other out of affection? “Fatty.”
“Get over here, Fatty.”
“Are you ready yet, Fatty?”
“Come on Fatty, you can do it!”
It was a term of affection, and if an upperclassman called you “Fatty”, it meant they accepted you. You were in the cool kids club.
The weird thing was that none of these girls were fat. They could all rock a bikini in a way that only high school girls can while I was easily 40-pounds overweight. I desperately wanted them to call me “Fatty” because I wanted to be accepted by them, but in my heart I knew that I was the only one on the volleyball team to whom that term accurately described.
Looking back on that as an adult and nutrition coach, having worked with dozens of women around body image and self-worth, I am intrigued and troubled. Where do high school girls learn to talk about themselves in a self-deprecating way with such casualness? Did they hear their mothers refer to themselves as fatties?
Hearing those words over and over again… being referred to as fat, calling other people fat… what is the long-term damage to our psyche as women? We’re so self-critical as it is.
The more I learn about the power of the spoken word, the more I encourage women to speak to themselves with nothing but positivity. Would you talk to your best friend the same way that you speak to yourself? Would you point out her flaws the same way that you criticize yourself in the bathroom mirror?
We get caught in these thought loops of negativity.
Often, we don’t even notice the tapes that are playing over and over again in our heads about how we don’t measure up. Our stomach is never flat enough, our thighs never thin enough, our waist never trim enough.
Some of us have been repeating the same stories for so long that we’re not even conscious of them always running in the background. My stories have been playing since third grade, from high school, when I heard negative things about my body and felt shameful about how I looked.
Maybe you recognize that you have negative thought loops running in your mind, or that you hyper-focus on your flaws. What’s a girl to do? This kind of work takes time, and certainly can’t be covered in depth in one newsletter.
Here is a two-step process to start:
Shine a light on where your negative self-talk is happening.
Do you make joking, destructive remarks about your body? It always breaks my heart when women joke about being overweight, binging on food, or how they hate certain parts of their body. You may say things our loud to your girlfriends in jest, or quietly to yourself in the bathroom mirror. Either way, start by beginning to notice the thoughts you have about your body and if they are positive or negative.
Don’t place judgments on those thoughts. Don’t get down on yourself for having negative thoughts. Simply observe that they are there. This is a very powerful first step.
Speak positively about yourself, out loud.
It will take some time to eliminate the negative things you say and think about yourself. Think about how many years some of those thoughts have been playing through your head! In the meantime, you can certainly add to the number of positive things you are speaking and saying about yourself.
Every day make a point to say something positive about yourself, out loud. It’s going to feel weird at first but remember how powerful the spoken word is!
"I am capable. I am worthy of love. I love and appreciate my amazing body. I nourish my body and treat it with respect. I am grateful for this body."
Speaking loving and affirmative words to yourself, out loud, is an empowering way to break up those destructive thought patterns.
I love talking about food and exercise, but it’s important to recognize that we aren’t just machines going through the motions of life. We are women with hearts and souls and the way that we nurture that part of us is equally as important as the way we eat and move.
I’m always here for nutrition and health advice but I hope you take a moment today to feed your soul as well. Thanks for being part of my amazing community. So much love to you.
